have been through a lot of shit lately, and pretending to be happy when I am actually not. tired, jaded, suicidal, frustrated, empty, depressed. just fucked up.

these two years in JC have got to be the worst years of my entire life. nothing could be more rotten (except for war). all the lowest points in my life and most extreme, intense emotions are condensed and concentrated within these two short years. besides my friends and family, i curse everything and everyone else who have tried ruining my life and getting me down. i hate this system, this rigidity, this desensitized and inhumane world which i live in. mechanical, unfeeling and downright pathetic slaves of this entire system. please just go to hell. i’ve never hated anyone like that in my life. i hate you with a vengeance, with some unknown hatred that i never knew i was capable of.

but i will remain strong. and show these bastards. and get the last laugh.

thank goodness for my friends who have showed me so much concern. each and every one of you. love you guys so much. my wonderful platoonmates, kingman, teresa, brenda, and my classmates. and texas. thanks so much for calling. really feel so guilty for neglecting you, and not being there for you during your shitty days. what kind of friend am I? yet you are so kind, patient and caring. Argh. felt so much better after talking to you, felt as if I was talking to a long lost friend, and suddenly clouded over by a strong sense of old and comfortable familiarity. haha you are right- let’s show ‘em freaking assholes and bastards!!!