beginning to learn how to cope with this life. trying to cling on to the things that would make me happy, trying to endure another few more months of torture. joel says i have mild depression. teresa says i have very bad karma or am surrounded by a very bad kinda aura. claka thinks i sigh too much. but things are looking up for me i guess. for one, i really do have people who care around me. have been talking to parents and friends, who have been worried and trying their best to cheer me up. though my parents don’t really understand what i’m going through, well, at least they tried talking to me, n i know i musn’t let them down. thoughts of quitting school have flitted through my mind many many times, but i know i can’t afford to give it all up, now that i’ve come so far. so i’ll just hafta put up with this blardy system, and live each day as it comes. anyway, every single day which passes means a step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, as texas puts it. haha. however cliché it may sound, it’s nevertheless quite good advice.

even pd has decided to become kinder to me. out of his guilt i guess. not that it will make any difference as to how i feel towards him. but at least, school life has become a little bit more bearable. and rebellion simply does not pay. we can never fight the system. so might as well put up a show, get a good enough testimonial, and just fucking get out of this school mans. can’t wait for that day to come. the day of freedom.

maybe it’s partly bcos i miss him so…darn. don’t think abt it.

Haz! on a lighter note, i’ve been sticking to my diet plan (but sadly, not my spending plan). and i swear my class is becoming anorexic as well. everyone’s starting to bring healthy food from home! everyday as we sit around in the canteen i see numerous lunchboxes and ziplock bags springing up around me. not to mention kingman and her giant peach grapefruit. btw think my stomach has shrunk. And am getting used to the feeling of hunger. felt so full after only eating a piece of steamed fish and broccoli for today. hrm, amazing. i used to be sucha P.I.G. hope this slimming plan works heh. as for my spending plan, oh the horror. just realized that i’ve been spending ALOT every day. i seriously dunno wad i splurge on. it used to be food, but now my daily food expenditure amounts to a mere 2 bucks on average. so wad could it be? Ah. i know. spent 16 bucks on pens and highlighters, 4 bucks on charity bookmark and ticket, and refuse to count how much i’ve been spending on cab fare everyday, and useless mags. kill me.

dropped my handphone on the road yesterday and horrifyingly watched the enormous wheels of a bus scrunch past it, narrowly missing it by one millimeter. could only gasp with relief after experiencing the close shave with death. hope ar yang won’t mind, since i’m giving the phone to him. heh.

Ok, am feeling better after blogging and staring at dear bradley for twenty minutes. not forgetting takeshi kaneshiro’s gorgeous face (in yet another crappy mag which i’ve just purchased) that made me forget all my troubles temporarily. i must be mad. but obsessions are just wad i need at the moment. gonna read Othello in a minute-wad a relief.